Open Letters

Intergender Awareness

The moment the story aired about Caster Semenya, the South African athlete, I knew this was going to be an unfortunate mess for all involved. Let me just state, that I am amazed and disappointed at the IAAF, and the way they  humiliated Caster by publicly announcing their intentions of performing a gender test on her. Didn’t it occur to someone (anyone in that damn group) what these test meant and how the results could be emotionally devastating to the individual and her family?  How dumb could they be to subject someone to such public scrutiny?

 

I am almost certain that even though Caster exhibited masculine features they were no doubts in her and her family’s mind that she was indeed a female; after all she had female parts. Now that some results  are in, it turns out that she has internal testes and no ovaries, imagine the emotional confusion that she may be facing. How could they be so damn sensitive?

 

This isn’t uncommon as we would like to believe, we have all heard of hermaphrodites (the more PC term now is intersexuals or intergender depending on their medical complexity), it’s not a myth and there is nothing freakish about it; because it does happen!

 

A few years ago I joined a Mommy and Me class and befriended a wonderful woman. I knew that she had reproductive issues and her child was born to a surrogate. During one conversation she told me  both she and her husband went through a series of reproductive test only to find out that she had no ovaries (even though she produced eggs) and had abnormally high level of testosterone. She explained that she has never had a period and remembered being told by a doctor as teenager that she never  would. No one really explained it to her and she figured back then that "no menstruation " is OK with her, she was just as happy not to deal with this monthly issue. After finding out that she had eggs, they decided to harvest,  inseminate and use a surrogate to start a family. She told me about her emotional state during the process and what it meant and how she felt for 38 years prior to her daughter. I was so ecstatic at her happy ending story that I never gave it a second thought; until  Semenya story broke.  I remembered my friend’s story and was immediately outraged at how it was being handled. They made such a big deal out of it.

I am sure many fertility doctors can confirm that they deal with this as a reproductive issue more  than the IAAF would like us  to believe its a gender issue. Its  not until some women experience difficulty conceiving , that they find out about either chromosome issues or intergender issues. Without the voyeuristic eyes, an intersexual lives a regular life being who they want to be. Now Semenya has to deal with  a private issue under public scrutiny in addition to sorting out her feelings.  I only hope the best for her and may this bring the awareness to a condition that’s really not that uncommon.

I long for the days when he was missing

When is this going to end? The story gets more convoluted and weird as each day passes. First he was MIA supposedly hiking along the Appalachian trails, only to confess a few days later to an affair where he traveled to Argentina to "break off" the relationship USING state funds (taxpayer’s money). Just when you think enough! Out comes an audio of him lamenting about his lost-love like a lovelorn teenager. Never mind that he has also revealed he had other “relationships”   

 

My open note to the Gov

 

Dear Gov Sanford;

 

Gov please stop, have you no shame? You have four young boys that are witnessing you publicly disrespecting and humiliating their mother and them. Shut the fuck up you selfish bastard…..if you find it hard to love your wife, at least show the boys some love and shut the fuck up.

 

Thank you.

Gosh Darn it....Because she can!

Quite frankly I am taken aback with the whole controversy of First Lady Obama right to bear arms. I too like Mrs. Obama, love to wear sleeveless dresses or tops. It is a subtly way of showing femininity without being overtly sexy. A simple, elegant contemporary look for a woman her age. I shop for my dresses primarily at Ann Taylor and generally their dresses and tops are of sleeveless form with a conservative neckline and hem.  There is nothing vulgar about it; it's quite acceptable and in fact she always manages to look classy.

 

Now her official picture below is causing quite a storm. It’s a basic black dress, with conservative neckline and hem is well below her knees. It is accessorize with simple pearls. What’s the big deal? Is it because it’s very flattering on her and the chattering class wants to hate her so badly, that they must criticize. Or are we a nation of sexual repressed that even the bare arms stir sexual emotions? What’s next will we require our First Lady to wear Burqua’s? They are so darn petty!

Sex sells or maybe gives

What will make warlords and chieftains in the toughest neighborhood in Afghanistan sing like a bird? Viagra, it’s that simple. Apparently one of our CIA’s gave a 60 year old chieftain who had four younger wives a few of the blue pills and within days he was back giving him some crucial information on the Taliban and their activities and also a request for more of “those pills”.

As the article  notes the usual choice of cash and weapons for information isn’t always the best option, because weapons may fall into the wrong hands and cash and jewelry is too showy and may draw attention. But wouldn’t men with smiling faces and jolly dispositions also be a dead giveaway?

 

The CIA claims they “Think outside the box”, how about “Think inside the pants”

Let's think about it for a minute...

...I saw this video over at Screed a few weeks ago and I haven’t been able to shake it.

Here we have a bunch of people who are incapable following a logical thought through to its conclusion. Let’s play devil’s advocate here, we repeal Roe vs. Wade, and abortion is now illegal.  Let put some thought in the legality of it all.

• How much time should a woman serve if she has an abortion?
• Equally important how much time should the partner who got her pregnant serve? He aided and abetted. (Shares equal responsibility in creating the situation that ultimately resulted in a crime)
• If you find out that a friend and or family member had an abortion, what is your responsibility, turn them in? If not, are you accessory after the fact?
• Clinicians, yep guilty, accessory before the fact, as well as aided and abetted
• The person who assisted in taking her to and from the abortion, yep guilty too.

I could go on and show you how the hands of justice will reach far and wide, taking on a cancerous form. I wondered how many Pro-Lifer have given this much thought. According to the supporters on the video, this should be illegal because it’s killing a human being. However, the woman should be counseled and left to deal with her conscience and God. Why isn’t this woman serving a life sentence or sentence death? An abortion is usually performed a few weeks after the doctor confirms pregnancy. Which means that she had time to think and followed through anyway…premeditated right?

Now here is also another can of worms I’ll open and toss it far and wide. Why don’t we just release criminals currently serving term for killing a human being? Why don’t we just counsel them then let them go to deal with their conscience and God? Or are you saying that the life of a baby is worth less than someone who is older?  So if you kill someone older you go to jail, but a fetus you can just think about it. I can imagine the amount of criminals serving time now making that argument. 

So for crying out loud, before you grab a picket sign and start chanting….think!

Impossible Conception

There is something to be said about being sick and the only means of entertainment is mindless television.

                            

I laid in bed all last week anxiously awaiting the Oprah episode of the “Pregnant Man” I even remember dropping my son off at my parents, and telling them that I must get back home quickly because I didn’t want  to miss Oprah. After every sound-bit I would think, “How is this possible?” Is there new medical discovery?”

                            

Well I was sorely disappointed. I thought there was going to be ground breaking news about how men could get pregnant (hell the thought of my husband pregnant is highly hilarious). The show was simply about a “bearded woman who was pregnant”.

                            

I don’t care if a woman takes hormones so that she get hairy, deepens her voice or grow her clitoris to penis length; then changes legal documents to correlate to outward appearances. It’s still a woman, borne one and that’s it.

                            

I was so pissed! At least I am better now

Miscellaneous cost behind the hookers

Well with all the hoopla over the Spitzer story, there was expressed shock at the cost some men paid for these hookers. I have always assumed these women must be exceptionally beautiful, or they know more tricks, or they are open to deviant behaviors etcetera. Only to find out that’s not the reason for the high price.

                            

It was explained to me by a man who apparently knows a little bit about the industry that these working women only make a small fraction of the total cost (roughly around 20-30%) and another portion to the companies they are employed by and other portions are paid to PEPs. What PEPs you asked? “Politically Exposed Personnel” These are people who accept payoff to be discreet about the sightings and wheresabout of public figures (e.g. drivers, concierges, security personnel, hotel staff, ect.) They act as the “see no evil” “hear no evil” “speak no evil” coordinators for meetings and trysts. (Yeah, knock me over with a feather eh!)

                            

The men who pay for these services can not afford to risk their reputation picking up $50 dollar whores off the street and being photographed, or have security cameras catching their profile entering hotels. Most of the encounters can not be traced because the utmost discretion is paid for by the escort companies who have paid contacts employed within most of the exclusive, high-end hotels and resorts. This of course explains why so much of this goes on for many years and no one knows about it until one party does something stupid (usually tax evasion crap).

                            

When one these Madams get caught, we hear about the “little black book” and cannot wait to see who is in, but that never happens. Case and point the recently charged DC Madam, Deborah Palfrey who claimed to have many “Politicians” in her “black book”. After her arrest, Randall Tobias, who was the head of USAID and the former global AIDS Coordinator for President Bush resigned. Since then the case has been hushed.

                            

Eliot Spitzer got caught because he was initially suspected by his bank of money laundering or possible blackmail. Of the multiple funds transferred between his personal account and QAT Consulting (what a name), Kristen probably made a small sum and the PEPs made theirs. Now the feds are looking into his security details.

                            

Now I’d be damned!

Why in the world do they stand there?

As I watched the press conference of NY Gov. Spitzer apologizing to everyone and most importantly his wife and children, I couldn’t help wondering as I looked at Silda Spitzer “Woman! Why are you standing there with that vague Xanax stare on your face? It doesn’t make me feel sorry for your husband, it doesn’t make him look any better, and it only makes you look pitiful”.

                            

Over the years we have seen a myriad of shameful expressions on these wives faces. Hillary had also that shameful look except she skillfully masked it with a look of proud defiance. Vitter’s wife looked utterly depressed, Larry Craig’s wife looked like she mentally checked out and was thinking about a paraffin pedicure, and NJ Gov. McGreevy’s wife looked like an ad for Zoloft.

                            

Imagine if the roles were reversed. Can you see a husband standing behind his wife smiling blankly as she publicly apologizes for some unsavory transgressions? I don’t think so.

                            

For crying out loud, I would just like to see once, just once, one these married politician who falls from grace to be standing at the podium by himself—with maybe a black eye and knot on his forehead!

The Feminism Debate

A few years ago while having an “office water cooler” conversation about feminism; I was questioned about my position on feminism. Until that moment I hadn’t given the meaning of feminism much thought.  You see I was borne long after the first wave of the movement, and few years after the second wave of the 1960’s began. I am of the generation that reaped the benefits of Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Stanton and Gloria Steniem (to name a few).  I never knew the time when women career choices were limited domesticated or clerical roles.  Nor can I ever imagine women not having reproductive, social or economic rights. The very thought that there had to be a MOVEMENT . . . . . a movement where women had to fight for basic equality is inconceivable to me. So by default, I am a feminist--- there is no other way to be.   

As I reflect on that water cooler moment I realize that I was somehow conflicted in my feelings about feminism. I knew my answer then may have sounded somewhat ambivalent, because I was immediately put on the spot by one of the ladies who practically barked in my face “You either are or you aren’t!”  Now what could have possible created this conflict within me? I was in my early twenties then and I have since left the topic alone. This discussion I have learned can stir heated debates, which sometimes go on for hours with no resolution, only leaving its participants more frustrated than ever. My ambivalence has again re-surfaced; and now that I am older and bolder I haved decided to tackle it head on. 

There is no doubt that most women believe in reproductive, voting, education, “equal pay for equal work”, affordable healthcare, affordable childcare, sexual harassment and exposing the frequency of sexual and domestic abuse rights.   Frankly that’s the basis of feminism. It cannot be disputed or refuted it just makes sense! 

However, after much research, I have discovered what creates the divide among women on this topic.  “Separatist Feminism a form of Radical feminism”. Separatist feminism does not support heterosexual relationships due to its belief that the relationship between men and woman are irresolvable. Separatist feminists generally do not feel that men can make positive contributions to the feminist movement and that even well-intentioned men replicate the dynamics of patriarchy. Radical feminism has also argued that gendered and sexed identities, such as "man" and "woman", are social construct. Basically our roles are forced on us by society’s definition. This is the gray area that contemporary society has used to define and to some extent vilify feminism. 

Ah ha! Herein lays the conflict. I believe that men are extremely important to our society. How can the relationship between men and women be irresolvable when we have been cohabiting together since the beginning of time? Sheer hogwash! This is truer with men and men relationships because it’s usually men who start the wars!  Men-Women have to copulate in order to carry on the important function on earth; to continue the human race. That’s not irresolvable! 

I also do not believe that gender identities are social constructs. This much I can tell you I have no desire to change the tires on my car (even though I know how to) or lay bricks. I don’t think my lack of desire is an oppressed feeling created by society. I just don’t have any interest in it and I’ll gladly have someone else tackle the task be it man or woman. Most women gravitate to certain roles as do most men not because society deems it but simply because it’s more comfortable. I am apt to believe that it could be more a genetic influence as oppose to social. So I'll start the debate here. 

Do you think our most common gender roles are influenced by society or genetics?